Power in Men and Women

There are many misconceptions of power as it is related to men and women in leadership roles. Leadership is associated with masculinity, so as long we continue to correlate the two, we can expect female leaders to be evaluated in a negative way, even when their performance is higher than their male counterparts, and even when those who evaluate them are women. But there are also many men in leadership roles who feel trapped in the traditional belief system. I asked a friend of mine who is a male and in a leadership role what he thought to be the greatest misconception, and he said this; “Men look to promote other men rather than the best person for the role. In some ways, I even go out of my way to avoid that misconception”. Gender aside, we should be paying more attention to competence, humility, and integrity rather than confidence, charisma, and narcissism.

Women can have a hard time making decisions that are going to hurt someone’s feelings even when they know it’s the right decision. This is something that I certainly experienced not only in my career, but in my personal life too. It troubled me because I knew what I had to do, but I was afraid. If you are experiencing this, go ahead and rip off the band-aid, you just need practice. As a leader, no matter how communicative, patient, open-minded and compassionate you are, it is inevitable that you are going to piss people off and hurt their feelings. It’s one of the reasons why they pay you the big bucks.

Men are taught that they are supposed to be in control, but behind closed doors they can often feel powerless, too. Men lack skills when it comes to relationships and dealing with their emotions (no offence!). We need to allow them to be better at vulnerability, being relatable, and when they start to do that, the power they develop will be more genuine. Women outperform men when it comes to emotional intelligence, particularly in leadership roles. Women are more humble, sensitive, and considerate, while men (consciously, or not) have a greater tendency to risky behaviour, arrogance, and manipulation. Arrogance and overconfidence are contrary to leadership success and the ability to build and maintain high-performing teams, and to inspire others by setting aside selfish agendas in order to work for the common interest of a group. The best of both worlds is when male meets female. Decisions are based on facts with compassion, not emotion.

I was raised by men when it comes to my mentors as a young woman on a career path, it is simply how the cards unfolded for me in my industry. Most of them were instrumental in my development as a leader and as a woman, others tried to manoeuvre me with superiority and intimidation. I’m truly grateful for each experience. My first encounter with a woman above me was in my late twenties, a decade into my career. It was very different, and admittedly I didn’t know how I felt about it at first. She was fierce and powerful, I was fierce and powerful, and we clashed. Until we realized that we were twice as strong when we were collaborating. We learned that we shared the same core values, and that became very influential in the environment we were in. In another one of my roles, my counterpart as a leader was male. We shared a mutual respect for one another both personally and professionally, so there was no ego or competition between us. We could accomplish everything together because we tapped into each other’s strengths as we assessed each situation, collectively. We were both dominant in our own ways, so we could cover more ground when it came time to step into the arena. Divide and concur was our mantra, and we had a very successful track record in getting the results we were looking to achieve.

When leaders are working together at the top, the trickle-down effect is where things will really start to shift in a positive way. In both scenarios, not only did our teams seek to emulate our approach, but the impact on our culture made a significant impression on the guest experience because our staff started to have each other’s back. People perform better when they’re working together, and it starts at the top. It cannot be man vs. woman or woman vs. woman, etc., it is an ethical collaboration that must be advocated by every leader.

And now a very important message to all of the ladies. If not all, almost every woman wants to be a strong woman. We have seen the benefits, achievements and honour we can receive once we are looked up to by others. But there are unfavorable circumstances in everything. When women are perceived as strong there’s no one there to help them because everyone assumes they don’t need help. If we view a woman in a position of power as competition rather than supporting her, this entire movement of equality becomes broken. If we really want to achieve equal opportunity in the workplace and beyond, then as women, it starts with us.

Women need to support women. I’ve seen plenty of poor behaviour from women towards other women in the workforce and in other areas of life. I have also seen several women who are amazing leaders and very much support other women. They are often the most successful and represent the kinds of examples we need to set for other women in the arena. Respect the talents of other women and reinforce their reputation within the workplace. There’s plenty of room for all of us, so partner with other women to help move their career in the right direction.

We need more empathy, and to find it within ourselves to stand in each other’s shoes. See beyond the power and understand what others are going through; their pain, their hurt, their fears, their loss. We need a broader sense of values that we can operate within. Values that we can all be proud of and that foster empowerment, honesty, empathy, compassion and caring for others. Good leaders give everyone the space to be themselves. This is a wonderful use of power, a recipe for successful business and the essence of true leadership.

We are all leaders. We all have something to contribute, and we have to be comfortable with our own power. Learn to understand that power is not to be used to overpower or change anyone else, but to bring the best out in each other. We need to empower, power. In every leader is the vulnerable human being with the courage to show up. Collectively, we need to change how we see each other.

Changing How We Feel About Power, Part Two

Power in Men and Women