Someone recently asked me, as you keep close to those who add value and positive things to your life, how do you transition out the others? Your inner circle are the people who you associate with because of a common purpose. A group of people who inspire, motivate, encourage and propel each other to achieve greatness. They are more than your social circle. They are a combination of your family members, friends and professional colleagues – the people who you trust most. They feed the foundation of who you are. The fear of hurting someone and feeling uncomfortable can cause many of us to remain in toxic relationships rather than aligning with people who are truly rooting for us.

Over the past three years, I have made significant changes to my lifestyle including moving to a new city and leaving my corporate job. These choices lead to my journey of self-discovery and personal development. In this new environment, I realized I had put a lot of emphasis on an identity I created for myself that involved the sunshine list, social status and having children. When I didn’t have any of those things, I lost myself for a period of time, only to actually find myself - a better and truer version. This type of change and becoming is powerful and there is a natural direct impact on who you spend time with. This particular time in my life was a complete and crucial reset to live a life that was more aligned with my core values as a human. When you become, you discover your voice and a greater sense of knowing. While feeling empowered, I also discovered that some people didn’t understand or support my new path. So there was resistance in those relationships. Because when you assume a particular role, it only works in a very specific environment. Becoming is the ultimate journey to authenticity - internally and externally. My Mom and Dad observe me in my life today and they see my childhood self, restored. And I take that as a sign that I’m on the right track.

When you become, you discover your voice and a greater sense of knowing.

You will always attract what you put out there whether you are conscious of it or not. Some people seek change and personal growth and others are more comfortable maintaining what is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We are on our own unique journey and it is not our job to criticize others. You will bring significant value to those in your inner circle, and vice versa. What we each consider to be valuable will always be ever changing when we are cultivating personal growth. But the fear of change is prominent in a lot of people. Because change is hard. We all need to give ourselves permission to live our lives in a way that makes us happy and that fosters joy and enthusiasm. What we do with our journey is our own choice, and the choices of others is not up to you or me to determine as right or wrong.

One thing that I’ve observed about highly successful people is they aren’t best friends with everyone. They may have a lot of acquaintances, but only a select few make it into the inner circle. For those of us who are people pleasers (present company included and something I am still working on), it can be challenging to create healthy boundaries. I believe strongly that there is wisdom to the approach of a limited inner circle. To be successful, you want to limit who is able to impact your life with their own behaviour and opinions.

If you don’t choose your inner circle carefully, you will be dealing with unnecessary frustration when your time is better spent accomplishing great things and just being happy. It is important to limit your inner circle to people who are encouragers. A lot of people become more humble as they get older, because it takes being hurt to develop empathy. But not everyone is capable of doing that. Most people are very good at being critical. It takes a great deal of maturity to be happy about the successes of others, and it takes wisdom to not feel threatened by the talents of others.

I am in a constant state of gratitude for the abundance of love and connection that has been an influential part of my life. As I’ve grown and become more self-aware, what and who feeds my soul has evolved when it comes to finding and recruiting people into my inner circle. If this resonates with you, know that it is not negative. It is just part of the human experience. It is only natural that as social beings, there are ebbs and flows to our growth and personal alignment. When this type of change happens, the people who you attract will change with you. A natural drift between friends should not be hurtful. To choose who you want to spend time with and who is no longer serving you, does not need to be mean spirited.

Letting go of friends who aren’t aligned with what you truly believe in is really hard. If you have people in your life who don’t look for the light in dark situations, or if they bring you down, that is not healthy for your energy especially when you’re making changes. If being around certain individuals makes you feel less than you are, it could be time to say bye (for now) and make the choice to let go. If you have people in your life who you care about that are in a different place and you just can’t relate to them, don’t be afraid to be alone because when you are in alignment you will attract new people who support your path.

There are probably some people who don’t understand my new path, but there are also a lot of people who do. That’s okay and that’s normal. If you have people in your life who encourage you, who are rooting for you, believe me, nurture those relationships and hold on tight. They are the ones who are going to inspire you to keep moving toward your goals, even when you feel frustrated. And then make sure that you are being a good inner circle member to those who you hold most dear.

Defining Your Inner Circle

When you become, you discover your voice and a greater sense of knowing.